Monday, 14 September 2020

Dementia Stole my Mother

My wonderful mother

My son and I went to visit my lovely mum at the care home today. She was so pleased to see us well, I say us but, to be honest it was Ollie she was pleased to see. I was just happy mum was having a good day.  Sadly during some visits mum’s dementia is foremost leaving her once beautiful, animated eyes devoid of any life and her mumbling go away!

Smelling of shite, my nappy needs changing.
Breath like a sewer, a cap lost from my tooth.
Plaque and food detritus ruining my smile.
Hair greasy and frowsy, I don’t want to shower.

Slouched, nodding off in my chair.
Mouth agape dribbling and catching flies.
Large purple and yellowing bruise to my forehead.
I fell again or so they say.
My feet like overstuffed sausages 
protruding from my sandals. My shoes have been lost.
My handbag caked in remnants of yesterday’s meals.

My mind, what mind, who’s mind?

You call it living, I call it abuse.
Where is the dignity

Then I had an epiphany moment mum is not suffering, she is as happy as can be in whatever world she now occupies. It is only those that knew her before this, awful plague on humanity stole her wits and left behind a shuffling shell, that suffer.

Childhood Revisited

I am warm, I feel safe, I can hear music.


  1. I feel your anguish and pain as you confront your mum's deteriorating condition, but continue to hold onto your happiest memories of her, because in the end; they're what sustains us.

  2. Dear Sarah
    My mother in law died in an old age home a few weeks ago. She had dementia and she lived there for five years. I spent a lot of time helping with tasks like feeding, and accompanying patients on walks outside. I learned after a time how much the staff have to cope with on a daily basis and how hard they work to make sure that the residents feel secure and happy. You mustn't be upset if your mother isn't always perfectly groomed, hopefully she's being looked after to the best of their ability. The most valuable thing you can do is to walk in there with a smile and be outwardly relaxed, even if you feel anxious. On my worst days I was the best friend to my mother in law that I could be, even if I had to pretend to myself that she's a stranger because the sad reality is that she was not the person I used to know. This is such a hard thing for you to go through, I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

    1. Thank you. It’s just so very difficult witnessing her slow decline into oblivion.


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